Every now and then

I fall apart. In the words of Bonnie Tyler. Why is it that from time to time the world shifts on its axis and everything you think and do becomes questionable? So today I am worried that I have done something to upset someone, I have no idea what I did, or who I upset, but I am still worried. Part of me says to not care that I have upset someone, but that is a defense mechanism, an old one that goes way back to the days when people were mad at me for no reason. Another part of me says, find out what you did and fix it. I am sitting on the fence inbetween the two thoughts, wondering which side to fall on, and wondering if it really matters in the long run. You see I am tired. I am tired of trying to make it work. Why can't it just work? The problem? The toastmasters club that I am president of. We were doing really well, going great guns, 16 members, and growing steadily, then all of a sudden we lost 8 members. Just like that. No warning, so nothing. One member even decided the day after telling me she would bring her dues this week that she didn't want to rejoin. Now I am not going to get mad at people for not rejoining. I am not going to yell, stamp and swear. But I would like to know why. You didn't suddenly find that you didn't have time, so there must be something else going on. That is where the thoughts that I am doing something wrong are coming from. I don't want to pressure anyone into something they don't want to do, as long as it isn't something that I am doing that is making them not want to do it. If that is the case, then tell me, I will change my behaviour and fix the problem! I guess it is that I hate it when people don't tell me what is going on. And yes there is someone I can talk to within the club, but all she will say is we should talk. Which makes me think that there really is something. So just damned well tell me ok? Or am I just being paranoid? I don't know anymore. So someone, please, just push the world back onto its regular pivot, and let me get back to feeling ok, and not worrying.
Thanks.