Why don't I want to go to work?

I have just had a week off work. I needed a break. Then yesterday I had dental surgery (unexpectedly) so I didn't go in even though I was ready to. But today, I don't want to go to work. I feel like I need a break again! This is not good. I have a seminar on Thursday that I haven't started to work on yet, a journal club on Wednesday that I haven't started to work on yet, and a paper to write. As well as students to supervise. I feel like I need a longer holiday :( Wah, not fair. I am sitting here procrastinating, answering emails, playing Cubis2, and generally wasting time when I know I should be in the shower, actually I should be on the way to work already!!! I know that once I am there it will be ok, it is just the getting there that I am not mad about.
Oh well, I expect everyone goes through the same things from time to time. K is still sleeping, as is the Bunts. Not fair WAH!!!!

Why is it so hard to find information on your vet?

Our poor little puppy has to have another operation. Well we went to the vet place that we have started to take her to, it is just up the road from where we live. We get a random vet as we don't really know any of the vets there, and Bunty needs her distemper jab. The vet we saw looked like she was just out of college! She wanted us to have cytology done on a lumpectomy. Which is plain dumb because we know that Bunty's tumours are malignant, she has had mammary tumours for several years and this will be the sescond op that we have put her through for them! I asked what the advantage of having cytology was, and she said that way we would know if the tumour was malignant and if they should take the whole mammary gland out. Excuse me? Put the dog through two operations? I don't think so, so we said it is more expensive to take the whole gland out? She said no! So why would be have a lumpectomy with the risk of needing another op, if we can just have the whole gland removed? Less trauma on the dog for sure. Well she went away and did another quote (why we needed a quote I am not sure) and once again she had included the cytology!!!! I told her I would take the tissue to work and do the cytology myself (LOL!) she said I could if I wanted to! ARGH! So anyway, I just phoned the vet clinic to ask who their best surgeon was and this woman was one of them!!! LOL So I said, oh, well, who else? LMAO! Anyway we are scheduled for a consult with one of the top three on Monday, we will see if they will just remove all the remaining mammary glands, and thus prevent Bunty from keep needing to have these ops. But when I went to look the vet up on the internet, there was no information about her anywhere! So now I am wondering why you can't find information out about your vets the way you can about your human doctor. I mean for some of us it is just as important that we have a good vet and a good doctor! Esp after the last butcher did so much damage to our poor little puppy.

BTW the seamonkeys are doing well, they have settled down now and there about 12 left, swimming around in their little island paradise.

Later.

Sea-monkeys abound

It is day 7 of the sea-monkey experiment, and there are lots of the little beasties swimming around in their sea front haven. I fed them yesterday. Not strictly on schedule, but the water looked cloudy on day 5 and the book says not to feed them if the water looks cloudy. K popped by yesterday to have a look and agreed that they are cute little critters. They are still really small, I will try to take a pic today and post it.

I was just reading about someone being fired for blogging. I was interested in that because several years ago, when blogging was limited to a few computer nerds and psuedo nerds, I knew a woman who blogged about her work place. She was pretty abusive in her blog and I often wondered what would happen if the people she was writing about found out. She had her boss labeled as a complete airhead. Which was probably true, but I wouldn't think that being disrespectful and bitchy about it online was a good plan. Especially as she blogged at the end of each day from her desk! But clearly nothing happened to her, as she is still working at the same place. Destined, no doubt, to stay working in that dead end place for the rest of her life. Hmm, now who is being rude? LOL! But I haven't mentioned the place, location or even business, although I guess if you know who I am you can work it out.

Anyway, I guess my point is that blogging about your colleagues is no more a good idea than writing a book about them. Which of course I did. Many years ago now. But that was funny. In my opinion.

:D

Sea-Monkeys day 2

So I added the sea-monkey eggs to the water today. There is weird green dye in there, and I stirred the water for the few minutes that they suggest. Now, several hours later, the water is all different densities, and I am worried that the osmolarity of the water was screwed up and the babies hatched into hypertonic water, which means that they imploded and died :( Oh no! I will have to wait until Monday now to see anything, because I am taking tomorrow off and will not be in over the weekend either. Hmm, I hope they are ok. The water is slightly cloudy and pale green.

Watch this space.

Sea-Monkeys

I got some sea-monkeys for my birthday :D What fun! I have just got the tank started and will add the monkey eggs tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect, but I am hoping that they will make a nice addition to my office decor. To go with my Janeway cutout and magnetic dartboard. :D

If you have no idea what sea-monkeys are you can check them out at http://www.sea-monkeys.com/ They are supposed to be a breed of shrimp, I will let you know once I see how they turn out.

Just as well I have my new pets to worry about. I am feeling very out of sorts at the moment. I checked my biorythms this morning, and they are all clashing! No wonder I have no energy, no motivation and am feeling very emotional! Just as well I can skip out of the office when I feel like it. Which the way things are going at the moment, might be anytime soon. Just sitting and waiting to see if Kay will drop by after her volunteering session.

Hmm, praps I will have some lunch, that will kill some more time.

LMFAO

I really needed this.

The google people have mapped the moon, when you zoom in you can see where the lunar landings were, it is awesome http://moon.google.com/

Be sure to zoom all the way in.

Typical!

I am just reading up on the bird flu because I am bored. I found a site that has a load of information on, especially what the risks really are. So I have made notes on the things that I need to do to protect myself, including keeping my cat indoors. Hmm wait, I don't have a cat! Anyway, also about whether or not the face masks will actually afford any protection or not. The jury is still out on that one. Most importantly about what to stock up on in case the government puts us all in quarantine. Well we have already thought about this, and decided to stock up on tinned foods, and dried stuff like pasta. Stuff we eat anyway. We had thought a months worth would be about right. Well the WHO say only 7 days worth! 7 days? Man I will be holed up for the duration I can tell you that for nothing! Anyway, I was there reading the site, and saw a link to maps of the spread of the disease. So I thought, cool. I like maps. I click on the map of the human cases since 2003. Mostly in China, Indonesia, Vietnam etc. Ok none even close to North America. Then I clicked on the map of the wild and domestic birds that have been infected since 2003. North American isn't even on there! Now is that ever typical of the Americans? This is a US based site. I mean honestly, do they really think that because the US isn't on the map that people will not panic? Or are Americans so dumb that they will think, 'oh the US isn't on the map, therefore we have no bird flu, therefore we don't need to worry.' Will they? Oh boy. Well I know we have had cases here in Manitoba. A swan that died up north was found to be infected with the HN51 strain. It wasn't infected in MB, how they know that I don't know. Perhaps they found the swan's passport and saw that it had only arrived in MB the day before it died. I don't know. But back to my point. How can you produce a map of the distribution of bird flu in the world, and miss off one whole continent??????

Another of the Shrub's great ideas eh?

This really pisses me off

Some damned redneck American hunter has killed another bear in Canada. This might not seem like a huge issue, but polar bears are close to extinction! This moron, with his guide!, shot and killed a white bear, that on closer inspection had brown spots and may have been a grizzly polar hybrid. Why the hell was he out there shooting at polar bears anyway?????? This really pisses me off. Why can't Paul McCartney get mad about this? Polar bears are facing extinction because their habitat is being eroded by the stupidity of mankind, global warming means that the ice flows are getting smaller each year, and hence the polar bears feeding grounds are also diminishing. Leave the poor things alone! How dare you come and shoot at our bears? I bet if a Canuck wanted to cross into the US with a damn great gun in his hand luggage he would be arrested and held in prison for two years before being released without even an apology. Why are we letting these idiots in? And why the hell was he shooting at polar bears?????????????????
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4766217.stm
ARGH! A bad way to start a Saturday morning.

Billa Slack

OMG I just listened to 'R Cilla singing you are my world. What a voice!! How the hell did she ever make it as a singer?? If she was on American Idol now she wouldn't even make it through the first round! Oh my god. LMAO! I don't think I have actually heard her singing before, it was really quite bizarre. Well I have heard her singing Surprise Surprise, but that is a bit different.

Back to work.

IT's Thursday again

I have said it before and I will say it again. I hate Thursdays. Today I am staying home to work, I am reviewing grants for the Institute I work at, and it is actually easier for me to work here than at my office. Especially as it is cold and raining outside. 1 degree ffs, what is that? Anyway, what I really need is some motivation to get going. I have none, so I am catching up on my email. In doing so I found that a good friend of mine has her own blog, http://drainblogger.blogspot.com/, she is a good writer too, so if you feel like browsing over to her blog feel free, she hasn't been at it long though.
Now I am thinking that I am hungry, but there is nothing in the house that I feel like eating. I am also thirsty, and I haven't taken my pills yet this morning, so I need a drink, but I don't want water and other than water, there is only tea or coffee, and it is too early for tea, so it will have to be coffee. See? So many decisions to make, and I can't even get my head around what to drink because I hate Thursdays so much. Argh.

Onwards and upward

First impressions

A while ago I advertised for a student research assistant to work in the lab. I had one application that impressed me, but the guy's hours were not suitable so I had to put him aside. Well I got some funding, and he emailed me the same day I found out that I had the money available, so he got a job for the summer. Well he said he was a first year, with loads of volunteer experience, and an interest in neuroscience because of his dad, etc. and a few other geeky things. I assumed therefore that he was a young, geeky, skinny blonde kid with zits and glasses, who would be keen and enthusiastic. He just showed up in my office to talk about the summer. He is about 6'2, 250 lbs, long hair in a pony tail, raggy old sweatshirt and long shorts, with leather (worn out) flip flops, further to that he is probably in his mid-thirties! LOL I nearly laughed when I saw him because he was so totally not what I was expecting. I am sure he will be great though, he asked the right questions, made the right comments, and obviously has a sense of humor too which is essential in my lab. But the one thing I liked about him most is that he is confident and has a strong sense of work ethic. I hope he works out, I would like to have been able to offer him more, and perhaps at a later date will be able to, but we will see. He obviously wants to succeed too, which is a great thing. Looks like I will have a great productive summer with some excellent students. Meanwhile, the potential grad student is still lurking on the sidelines, might be best to sub him off before the game starts.

Every now and then

I fall apart. In the words of Bonnie Tyler. Why is it that from time to time the world shifts on its axis and everything you think and do becomes questionable? So today I am worried that I have done something to upset someone, I have no idea what I did, or who I upset, but I am still worried. Part of me says to not care that I have upset someone, but that is a defense mechanism, an old one that goes way back to the days when people were mad at me for no reason. Another part of me says, find out what you did and fix it. I am sitting on the fence inbetween the two thoughts, wondering which side to fall on, and wondering if it really matters in the long run. You see I am tired. I am tired of trying to make it work. Why can't it just work? The problem? The toastmasters club that I am president of. We were doing really well, going great guns, 16 members, and growing steadily, then all of a sudden we lost 8 members. Just like that. No warning, so nothing. One member even decided the day after telling me she would bring her dues this week that she didn't want to rejoin. Now I am not going to get mad at people for not rejoining. I am not going to yell, stamp and swear. But I would like to know why. You didn't suddenly find that you didn't have time, so there must be something else going on. That is where the thoughts that I am doing something wrong are coming from. I don't want to pressure anyone into something they don't want to do, as long as it isn't something that I am doing that is making them not want to do it. If that is the case, then tell me, I will change my behaviour and fix the problem! I guess it is that I hate it when people don't tell me what is going on. And yes there is someone I can talk to within the club, but all she will say is we should talk. Which makes me think that there really is something. So just damned well tell me ok? Or am I just being paranoid? I don't know anymore. So someone, please, just push the world back onto its regular pivot, and let me get back to feeling ok, and not worrying.
Thanks.

Some words should be removed from the English language

I am busy reading a scientific paper and suddenly am stopped in my tracks by the inappropriate use of a word. That word is milieu. I hate that word when it is used in the scientific context. I am not keen on it in other places either, but it is just not in context in a scientific article! Any more than repertoire is. It seems that scientists are more and more trying to add floral language to their publications, just stick to the ordinary words that fit the subject and don't fanny around adding fancy words to the sentences. Another one I hate is ameliorate, when it is used in the wrong way. I recently read a paper where they talked about ameliorating the culture media that they were using. ARGH!!! It is a clinical word, used when the quack, I mean, consultant, has made the patient better. They are deemed to be ameliorated. It was originally a French word, but I digress. Just don't use floral language when you are trying to be scientific, it doesn't make you look more intelligent, in fact quite the opposite.

So, I should get back to it, I am in the middle of a grant application, trying to ameliorate my ideas into a fundable project, a large repertoire of ideas floating in the milieu of my brain.

There you go.

p.s.

Even though it is snowing, well it was this morning, I still feel cheated! It is nearly the end of January, we haven't got more than about a foot of snow on the ground, and the temperature is warm enough to go without gloves! Bah humbug! I want 6 feet of snow and -40 degree temperatures! That is a real Winter, none of this slushing about in the brown and black stuff that is piled up in the gutter pretending to be snow. But at least we got a sunny day today, it has been a long time since we saw much sun.

But LET IT SNOW!

Please.

Exquisite Loneliness

I was just sitting listening to Barbra Streisand singing something from her Guilty album, and it reminded me of when I first moved to the US. When I first moved I had only a CD player and a few CD's to listen to. When I say a few I mean about 20. I also had a few Patricia Cornwell books to read. So I spent all my evenings, and every weekend, reading and listening to music. As a result, certain CD's evoke memories from that time.

The Barbra CD's in particular evoke a strange feeling in me that I have been at a loss to describe. It is a feeling that I enjoyed very much, but isn't one that I would want to revisit. Today I realised what that feeling was. It was Exquisite Loneliness! It was the first time in my life that I had felt truly alone. That no one was watching me, or even interested in what I was doing. I felt anonymous, insignificant, and completely free. Unless you know what it is like to live your life in the shadow of overbearing parents, who know more people in the town that you live in, than you can ever hope to know, you have no idea how wonderful it was to be that much alone.

I would never want to revisit that time because it was very difficult for many reasons, not least K and I were separated, and struggling to build our embryonic partnership that had very shaky foundations. In addition I had many many life lessons yet to learn. But I wouldn't change a thing, and now when I listen to Guilty, and remember how I felt for those first few months in the US, I appreciate how far I have come. I appreciate the lessons I learned, and most of all I appreciate that I was able to make the move away from the UK. A move that meant that although I was lonely and alone, I was always moving on towards today.

Thursday morning blues

I really don't like Thursdays. I realised this several years ago when I was working for the b*tch from h*ll. I was walking in to work, I had to walk about a mile from the nearest bus stop to the lab, but that was ok it was through a park. It was a Thursday, about 11.30am, and I was completely exhausted. I needed to sleep in to catch up on my lack of sleep from having to get up early to get to work, but I couldn't sleep in because I had to go to work. Anyway, I am rambling, but that is when I realised that I don't like Thursdays. They are a non-day. You can't start anything in the lab on a Thursday because tomorrow is Friday and then it is the weekend! In the days when I worked 7 days a week I guess it didn't matter, but now I don't work weekends, so Thursdays suck. So I am sitting here, knowing I have to iron my shirt, and technically I should make my lunch, but I am not going to today. It is 8am and I should be in the shower already! but it is Thursday. So I am reading blogs and wondering what makes someone think that what they have to say is going to be remotely interesting to another person, then I think hmm I should write in my blog. But no one will be interested. So what they hey.

Now I am worrying about the icicles that are hanging off the gutter, I guess I should shovel my way around the side of the house to knock them down. Maybe on the weekend. K and Bunty are both still asleep, although Bunty has at least been outside for her morning toilet. She hasn't had any food yet, but she hasn't been nagging for it so I will leave that to K. Ok now I am realdy to get in the shower. Oh wait, I should iron my shirt first. I will just check the news in case something has happened since I checked 10 minutes ago............

Happy New Year

How is everyone enjoying the new year? I ave never really been one of those people who makes a big thing of the new year. When I was a kid I used to sit and watch the Old Greay Whistle Test on the BBC, they would play a selection of the best of the previous year. Then at midnight I would go to bed. My parents and sister would be out partying, but I just never saw the point. It is only another day. Bah humbug? Probably yes. I don't bother with resolutions either. They always get broken within days if not weeks. But the last couple of years I have tried to make a list of things that I wish to accomplish over the next 12 months. I don't write it down though. So this time I have decided, now that I have a blog, that I will write it down for posterity. And so that I can come back and check up on my progress. So here goes. By the end of 2006 I would like to have another grant (for my work), I would like to have finished decorating the house, we still have 3 rooms to go, sorry 4 if you count the porch, but that is nearly done. I would like to have got rid of all the make-do furniture that we have. We are down to a sofa and some shelving in the bedroom, so that shouldn't be too difficult to achieve. And I would like to have made a difference to at least one person's life. Hmm, now I look at my list it seems that this stuff is all pretty much what I *should* be doing, rather than something that I wouldn't achieve in a year anyway. Hmm. I will have to try to think of something else to do that is more significant.

In the meantime I will go back to the wallpaper books that we have borrowed, and try to decide whether to go for red monkey wall paper, or green ferns, or cream monkey wall paper. Big decisions!

Be happy.