p.s.

Even though it is snowing, well it was this morning, I still feel cheated! It is nearly the end of January, we haven't got more than about a foot of snow on the ground, and the temperature is warm enough to go without gloves! Bah humbug! I want 6 feet of snow and -40 degree temperatures! That is a real Winter, none of this slushing about in the brown and black stuff that is piled up in the gutter pretending to be snow. But at least we got a sunny day today, it has been a long time since we saw much sun.

But LET IT SNOW!

Please.

Exquisite Loneliness

I was just sitting listening to Barbra Streisand singing something from her Guilty album, and it reminded me of when I first moved to the US. When I first moved I had only a CD player and a few CD's to listen to. When I say a few I mean about 20. I also had a few Patricia Cornwell books to read. So I spent all my evenings, and every weekend, reading and listening to music. As a result, certain CD's evoke memories from that time.

The Barbra CD's in particular evoke a strange feeling in me that I have been at a loss to describe. It is a feeling that I enjoyed very much, but isn't one that I would want to revisit. Today I realised what that feeling was. It was Exquisite Loneliness! It was the first time in my life that I had felt truly alone. That no one was watching me, or even interested in what I was doing. I felt anonymous, insignificant, and completely free. Unless you know what it is like to live your life in the shadow of overbearing parents, who know more people in the town that you live in, than you can ever hope to know, you have no idea how wonderful it was to be that much alone.

I would never want to revisit that time because it was very difficult for many reasons, not least K and I were separated, and struggling to build our embryonic partnership that had very shaky foundations. In addition I had many many life lessons yet to learn. But I wouldn't change a thing, and now when I listen to Guilty, and remember how I felt for those first few months in the US, I appreciate how far I have come. I appreciate the lessons I learned, and most of all I appreciate that I was able to make the move away from the UK. A move that meant that although I was lonely and alone, I was always moving on towards today.

Thursday morning blues

I really don't like Thursdays. I realised this several years ago when I was working for the b*tch from h*ll. I was walking in to work, I had to walk about a mile from the nearest bus stop to the lab, but that was ok it was through a park. It was a Thursday, about 11.30am, and I was completely exhausted. I needed to sleep in to catch up on my lack of sleep from having to get up early to get to work, but I couldn't sleep in because I had to go to work. Anyway, I am rambling, but that is when I realised that I don't like Thursdays. They are a non-day. You can't start anything in the lab on a Thursday because tomorrow is Friday and then it is the weekend! In the days when I worked 7 days a week I guess it didn't matter, but now I don't work weekends, so Thursdays suck. So I am sitting here, knowing I have to iron my shirt, and technically I should make my lunch, but I am not going to today. It is 8am and I should be in the shower already! but it is Thursday. So I am reading blogs and wondering what makes someone think that what they have to say is going to be remotely interesting to another person, then I think hmm I should write in my blog. But no one will be interested. So what they hey.

Now I am worrying about the icicles that are hanging off the gutter, I guess I should shovel my way around the side of the house to knock them down. Maybe on the weekend. K and Bunty are both still asleep, although Bunty has at least been outside for her morning toilet. She hasn't had any food yet, but she hasn't been nagging for it so I will leave that to K. Ok now I am realdy to get in the shower. Oh wait, I should iron my shirt first. I will just check the news in case something has happened since I checked 10 minutes ago............

Happy New Year

How is everyone enjoying the new year? I ave never really been one of those people who makes a big thing of the new year. When I was a kid I used to sit and watch the Old Greay Whistle Test on the BBC, they would play a selection of the best of the previous year. Then at midnight I would go to bed. My parents and sister would be out partying, but I just never saw the point. It is only another day. Bah humbug? Probably yes. I don't bother with resolutions either. They always get broken within days if not weeks. But the last couple of years I have tried to make a list of things that I wish to accomplish over the next 12 months. I don't write it down though. So this time I have decided, now that I have a blog, that I will write it down for posterity. And so that I can come back and check up on my progress. So here goes. By the end of 2006 I would like to have another grant (for my work), I would like to have finished decorating the house, we still have 3 rooms to go, sorry 4 if you count the porch, but that is nearly done. I would like to have got rid of all the make-do furniture that we have. We are down to a sofa and some shelving in the bedroom, so that shouldn't be too difficult to achieve. And I would like to have made a difference to at least one person's life. Hmm, now I look at my list it seems that this stuff is all pretty much what I *should* be doing, rather than something that I wouldn't achieve in a year anyway. Hmm. I will have to try to think of something else to do that is more significant.

In the meantime I will go back to the wallpaper books that we have borrowed, and try to decide whether to go for red monkey wall paper, or green ferns, or cream monkey wall paper. Big decisions!

Be happy.